Retirement would never mean watching day time quiz shows, naps at 2pm and walking out in the morning to get the paper. But I feel overwhelmed with the range of emotions and ‘stuff’ which needs to be done. One thing I am acutely aware of is that I must not transfer one business for another. Art and creativity can’t be a business. You can’t put pressure on your creativity, otherwise it will not produce what it needs to, just what you think it should. So a new balance needs to be achieved, that is the underling challenge I face today.

Money is always going to be my driving force and I need to figure out how to create and earn in the same space. My responsibility can’t just turn off because I handed over the virtual keys to my old life. Also I have bills to pay for and the deep dark worry about having enough to live the life I want to, this kinda kills the soul of any creativity.

But I am not dead yet, and I have a life stretched ahead of me. It is not the life I thought it would be, but I have created it out of choice. The choice to enjoy the next 10 plus years, not to work for something I might not physically be able to enjoy, sometime, maybe in the future.

Every day I light a candle and I pull some tarot cards, connecting to the universe like meditation. The cards don’t tell me anything I don’t know, just reinforce what I need to do. I ask my angels to guide me and write a letter to my higher self. This mindful preparation keeps me grounded so that I don’t get lost in the darkness of worry and fear. 

Learning to live in this new mindset every day is probably the hardest part of all this. The driving force to ‘produce’ is still strong, but I don’t need to. I’m learning to live within this new life I have chosen for myself.

The greatest thing about this last week is that I have been painting; it has been flowing from my fingertips like liquid honey and I am so grateful. Building a mini portfolio, I am braver and trying new things. There is potential and I am overjoyed, no I am obsessed. 

That really was my first week. 

I realised this morning, 7 days on from Be Inspired online, that nothing has really changed. I don’t have the weight of responsibility and I feel lighter, but there is always stuff to do. There is no point in running away from responsibility, just change the narrative. I love my new life, I’m blessed and fortunate to receive this gift.

There may not be a lot of time left to have adventures. I might not enjoy things like I used to, but I can do something today, and today I will grasp onto my life and live it like I should. 

Just like the song said – I didn’t like my occupation, so I changed it. It has saved my life.